Anger is everywhere.
We see it in traffic jams, in politics, in family arguments, and sometimes—ironically—even in church parking lots. We overhear harsh words spoken by people who supposedly love each other; business partners sue each other into bankruptcy; and of course, there are abusive parents, hostile coaches and furious customers. Anger is everywhere, and sometimes it’s even in the person staring across from us in the mirror.
Many of us feel justified in our anger. So Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount challenge us: “You’ve heard that it was said, ‘You shall not murder and anyone who murders will be subject to judgement. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.” (Matthew 5:21-22).
The truth is, we all struggle with anger. But do we really understand it?
Anger Isn’t Always Wrong
Let’s start here: anger is not always bad. In fact, sometimes it’s exactly the right response. Righteous anger—what the Bible calls God’s own indignation—is a reaction to true evil. When we see injustice, abuse, corruption, or cruelty, anger is appropriate. Anger is the right response when you learn about children being shot or going hungry or being abused. Anger is the right response when you read about a politician misusing their power. It’s a good thing William Wilberforce got mad at the slave trade and Martin Luther King got mad at Jim Crow Laws.
Jesus Himself got angry, notably when the Temple was being exploited by money changers (Matt. 21:12–13). In Mark 3, He was angered by the Pharisees’ hardness of heart when they refused to allow healing on the Sabbath.
This kind of anger isn’t petty. It’s not rooted in personal offense or bruised pride. It arises when God’s moral law is violated and when people are harmed. We need more of this kind of anger today—anger that doesn’t destroy but defends the weak and fights for what is right.
John Chrystostom, a fourth century Christian leader, wrote “He who is not angry when he has cause to be, sins. For unreasonable patience is the hotbed of many vices, it fosters negligence, and incites not only the wicked but the good to do wrong.”
Anger is the right response to sin. It’s wrong to be indifferent.
But It’s Always Risky
While some anger is good, all anger is risky. Even righteous anger can quickly turn toxic. It clouds judgment, escalates conflict, and tempts us to say or do things we’ll regret. And the sad truth is, most of our anger isn’t righteous. It’s selfish, prideful, and rooted in a desire to control.
Scripture warns us repeatedly: “Get rid of anger” (Colossians 3:8). “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Why? Because it doesn’t take much for our anger to shift from just to destructive.
In fact, for anger to be anything other than sin, four things must line up. We must be angry at the right person, for the right reason, in the right way, and for the right amount of time. That’s a high bar. It’s rare we hit all four.
Think about it. You get angry because someone’s late or because a co-worker gets credit you wanted. Is your anger righteous? Probably not. More likely, it’s pride. And pride, not holiness, is at the root of most of our frustration.
We’re Often Unaware
What complicates matters further is that many of us are angry without knowing it. Anger disguises itself—as frustration, sarcasm, cynicism, even depression. Sometimes we carry it for years. We justify it. We nurse it. And it eats us alive.
Some of us are angry all the time. It doesn't take much to set us off, because we’re already carrying a full cup of frustration. When life jostles us, what spills out isn’t caused by the bump—it was already there.
As Dallas Willard once said, "The explosion of anger never simply comes from the incident. Most people carry a supply of anger around with them." That supply says more about our hearts than about our circumstances.
So What Do We Do?
If we’re going to address anger at the root, we need to go deeper than just trying to “chill out.” Helpful as it may be to take a walk or count to ten, those are surface solutions. The real work begins with three spiritual steps:
1. Own It.
Stop pretending you’re not angry. Some of us carry poison in our hearts and refuse to name it. Step one is admitting the truth: “I’m angry, and it’s hurting me and others.”
2. Understand It.
Ask yourself: Why am I angry? What’s the real issue beneath the flare-up? Often, our anger reveals something we idolize: control, approval, reputation, comfort. As Tim Keller notes, “Anger is the result of love… When anything in life is an absolute requirement for your happiness and self-worth… your anger is absolute.” You have to understand what is going on in your heart. You need to get at the root of the issue.
3. Forgive.
This may be the hardest part. But healing doesn’t come through revenge or resentment. It comes through forgiveness. Not because the person who hurt you deserves it, but because you’ve been forgiven. Christ absorbed the wrath you and I deserved. If we grasp that grace, it transforms our hearts.
Anger Will Ruin You
Sin is stupid. It ruins lives. And anger, though it may feel good for a moment, will drag you down. It makes us smaller. It poisons relationships. It robs us of joy.
So how are you doing with this? Do you explode easily? Hold grudges? Need to get the last word? If so, be honest. Don’t excuse it. Don't minimize it. Take it to the cross.
Jesus invites us into something better. Not just better behavior, but a new heart. Not just a more peaceful personality, but a deeper peace rooted in His grace. You cannot white-knuckle your way out of wrath. But God can change your heart from one of rage to one of peace.
Let Him.
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